Do you remember hiding in the bathroom stall at school whenย you were 13 because the popular girl in class told the boyย you were crushing on about the hearts you drew all over yourย notebook with his name strewn across them? What aboutย the time you came home from school in 10th grade โ tearsย welled up in your eyes, cheeks flushed and your generic brandย mascara cascading from your lashes โ because high schoolโsย queen bee embarrassed you in front of all of your friends?
We have all fallen victim to meanย girls when we were growing up. Itย was one of those rites of passage toย the infamous teenaged years that we wishedย we could avoid โ like an awkward firstย kiss, the dreaded but inevitable braces andย acne phase and the negligible girl dramaย that seemed catastrophic at the time.
Big Screen Mean
It is a tale as old as time โ one that hasย continued on a vicious, rampant cycle longย before Regina George concocted a burnย book full of outlandish and hurtful liesย about her female classmates and declaredย that โon Wednesdays, we wear pinkโ in theย 2004 aptly titled film, โMean Girls.โ
The movie portrayed the all-too-real storyย of the new girl at school, trying to navigateย the social scene and falling victim toย heightened social havoc before becomingย just like one of the plastic, pretentious,ย self-absorbed girls who once tormented her.ย โMean Girlsโ is a movie we can all identifyย with โ whether weโve been the new kidย or witnessed someone else attempt toย integrate into an unfamiliar place during theย emotionally challenging teenaged years.
The Ripple Effect
But it is not only teens who are subjectedย to the cattiness that mean girls exude. Theย meanness has followed a ripple effect โย reaching girls as young as the first grade.
โMy daughter has been left out ofย conversations, groups and activities,โย Julie*, a Gainesville mom said. โShe wasย once left at the lunch table to eat by herselfย because the group got up and walked awayย from her.โ
โA girl my daughter had been good friendsย with in elementary school turned very toxicย when they entered middle school,โ Lori*, aย Gainesville mom said. โIt started with smallย derogatory comments about my daughterโsย appearance, such as her clothes or how sheย chose to wear her hair, but then it becameย bigger โ with openly belittling her choicesย to do well in school or to make the โgoodygoodyโย choice.โ
And the meanness does not stop there.ย If it does not come in the form of visibleย exclusion, it appears in the piercing smirks,ย the snarky giggles, the not-so-faintlyย whispered insults in the hallway and theย blatant verbal attacks on a girlโs hairstyle,ย her T-shirt or her thick-framed glasses.ย Ill-intentioned girls can make even theย cutest of quirks seem like formidableย misfortunes.
Where It Starts
So where does this seemingly arbitraryย meanness stem from? What makes someย girls believe they have the power or the rightย to dictate where their peers sit at lunch, whatย they wear to school or whom they socializeย with? Why do some girls feel superiorย to others โ entitled to prime seating, toย compliments, to a posse of so-called friendsย who follow them around mimicking theirย every head tilt and hair flip?
Jealousy must be the culprit โย insecurities, too. Girls put other girlsย down to make themselves feel better โ toย justify their own flaws. Because yourย love handles wonโt seem as overbearingย if everyone is focusing on another girlโsย freckled cheeks, right? And your frizzyย hair wonโt be made fun of if everyone ย is too busy thinking up penetrating jabsย about another girlโs zit. But this seesawย theory is not the answer.
โIn a world where we constantly compareย ourselves to others, girls have it hardย starting at a very young age,โ Lori said.โGirls are very impressionable and areย constantly bombarded with images of howย they should look, act and feel.โ
It is daunting for anyone to feelย constrained by so-called social norms. Addย peer pressure and the desire to fit in to theย equation, and you have a volatile situationย that can send young girls downwardย spiraling into a whirlwind of skewedย perceptions of self worth and what itย means to be beautiful.
Talk About It
According to the National Crimeย Prevention Council, only 15 percent ofย girls who witness bullying choose to speakย up. This is usually because the girls areย worried that by drawing attention to theย situation, the bully will turn on them.ย It is important for parents to instillย confidence, individuality and self-esteemย into the minds and hearts of their malleableย children to ensure that they do not fallย victim to mean girls โ or become meanย girls themselves.
In an era where social media dominatesย young lives, there are even more outletsย for mean girls to target others. Accordingย to the Cyberbullying Research Center,ย young girls are more likely to experienceย cyber bullying, with 40.6 percent of femaleย respondents saying that they had beenย bullied as opposed to 28.8 percent of maleย respondents.
While the anonymity factor gives girls theย freedom to be their truest selves, it alsoย fosters an environment for mean girls toย speak candidly from behind a computerย screen. Cyber bullying has become aย popular method for mean girls to unleashย their cruelest thoughts and diminish theย confidence of their peers. And becauseย cyberspace can be difficult to monitor,ย it can be a challenge to hold mean girlsย accountable for failing to recognize theย splendor of our dissimilarities.
โThe basic ideas that we are different andย valuable in our own way and that everyoneย has their own strengths and weaknesses areย extremely important,โ Lori said. โWhenย children feel that they are valuable andย have something to contribute, it helps toย combat low self-esteem, and that makes itย easier for them to stand up to meanness.โ
And who better to insist upon theirย greatness than you โ their parents, theirย most influential role models and biggestย cheerleaders? Who better to point out theirย strongest character traits, their beauty andย their natural talents than the people theyย trust and value more than anyone else?
The cycle of meanness can break with aย little help from you. By raising girls whoย embrace their assets and are mindful ofย their shortcomings, you can infiltrate theย world with tolerant young women โย ones who are not afraid to stand up forย themselves and what they believe in. Andย while they may recognize the deficienciesย in others, they wonโt dare use thoseย against them.
So hereโs to hoping no girl has to approachย a lunch table of seemingly nice girls onlyย to be told, โyou canโt sit with us.โ
*Names have been changed to protect privacy.