One of the keys to good time management is the ability to say no when necessary. All of us know the feeling of overload. Reducing or eliminating that feeling isn’t a matter of figuring out how to do more in an already busy schedule. The solution comes from self-editing, which reduces your workload. Eliminating distracting activities at work or home enables you to honor your priorities, but that can be difficult if you can’t say no and mean it.

We get overloaded by wanting to please or serve others, by living up to unrealistic expectations or perhaps because of an underlying perfectionism in thinking that we’re the only one who can do a task properly. We succumb to flattery, persistent cajoling or direct pressure that we’re too embarrassed to resist. Sound familiar? If so, it’s time to learn and practice a few polite but effective strategies that create better control over your energy and time.

The Gentle No

“How nice of you to think of me” is a courteous prelude while you review your priorities. Think fast. Then remember that you want to say no to the request, not to the person who needs your help. “I know this is a great program,” expresses your admiration for what your colleague or friend is doing. Now you need to give whatever explanation suits you: “I’m at my limit for volunteering right now.” “I’m simply too busy to take on another responsibility.” “I have never enjoyed doing this kind of task.” Be honest but firm about your feelings.

The No That Stalls for Time

In this scenario, a friend or colleague sees his priorities as more important than yours. An effective answer to strong pressure is, “If you need an answer right now, the answer has to be no. Otherwise, I will think about your request and get back to you.” Delay takes you off the spot, gives you time to think about the proposal and lets you rehearse your answer.

The Creative No

You can be helpful by suggesting resources or the names of people who might be able to deal with the request you have just refused. “Have you thought about contacting ______; I’m told she’s got a professional interest or contact that might lead you to a good solution.” Constructive responses are appreciated and redirect the conversation to a positive outcome.

The Direct No

With enough practice, you can give a quick, direct answer that sounds like you really mean it and won’t entertain any further discussion. After all, you don’t have to explain your motives. The more you say, the more the other person will try to talk you out of your arguments. “It was good of you to think of me, but this is not an opportunity I want right now,” should do the trick.

If you are programmed to say yes automatically, you will need to practice these strategies until your mindset changes. The point is not to say no to everything but to say yes to the life you want.

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