Illustrations by Anibal Rodriguez and Megan Sapelak
Researchers have identified four primary parenting styles that classify most parents and the way they raise their children. While there is no perfect parent, researchers have also uncovered certain long-term traits of children associated with each parenting style. Most parents will identify most strongly with one archetype but you may exhibit traits of others in certain situations. No matter what type of parent you are, loving your children is the most important trait you can express!
TYPE 1: AUTHORITATIVE
WHAT IS IT?
Authoritative parents tend to have close relationships with their children. They have and enforce rules but are able to explain the reasoning behind the rules. They use discipline as a method of teaching versus a method of punishment. Authoritative parents also use positive rewards to reinforce desired behaviors and prevent problems before they occur. While authoritative parents have rules and consequences, they take their children’s feelings into consideration. There are open lines of communication between parents and children and youth have input into goals and expectations.
HOW DOES IT IMPACT CHILDREN?
Children raised in authoritative parenting homes most often become responsible adults who are happy and successful. They tend to be comfortable expressing their opinions, confident in decision making and have high levels of self-esteem. Because their parents encouraged independence, these children often have high levels of achievement in school and goal accomplishment.
HOW MANY PARENTS ARE AUTHORITATIVE PARENTS?
A 2009 study by Pong, Johnson and Chen indicates that Authoritative is the most popular style of parenting among Americans, coming in at 46%.
TYPE 2: AUTHORITARIAN
WHAT IS IT?
This style of parenting is parent-driven. Authoritarian parents make decisions with little flexibility for change. Authoritarian parents believe in strict punishments and as a result, children learn that their actions have consequences. Parents who practice this style may use the phrase “because I said so” and believe that parents make the rules and children follow without exception. Authoritarian parents may want their children to feel sorry for their mistakes but don’t always guide them towards learning how to make better choices going forward. These parents may also believe the statement that “children should be seen and not heard.” Authoritarian parents tend to have high expectations for their children with no room for error. They tend to be less nurturing than other parenting styles.
HOW DOES IT IMPACT CHILDREN?
Children who grow up with authoritarian parents tend to be rule followers because they fear the consequences of misbehaving. They may experience hostility or aggression and rebel against authority figures later in life. These children are at a greater risk for low self- esteem as they feel their opinions are not valued. Children of authoritarian parents may become crafty liars in an effort to avoid punishment. These children sometimes have trouble making their own decisions because they did not learn this skill in childhood.
HOW MANY PARENTS ARE AUTHORITARIAN PARENTS?
The Pong et al. study indicates that 26% of American parents practice the Authoritarian style of parenting.
TYPE 3: PERMISSIVE
WHAT IS IT?
Permissive parents tend to relate to their children more as friends than parents. They have low expectations and therefore rarely enforce rules. When there are consequences, permissive parents may be more likely than others to let a child out of time out early if they beg or promise to be good. Permissive parents tend to be very nurturing and have open communication with children but believe that children learn best with limited interference from parents. Minimal rules and restrictions mean that children must navigate many situations on their own.
HOW DOES IT IMPACT CHILDREN?
Because children of permissive parents are not taught self-regulation and moderation skills, they may struggle with limiting junk food and are at a greater risk of obesity. They may also be more likely to develop cavities and dental problems since oral hygiene may not be enforced. These children may struggle in school because they don’t receive much guidance or structure on how, if and when to complete schoolwork. These children may not respect or appreciate authority and could run into behavioral issues. Because these children aren’t raised in a structured environment, they may have difficulty self-regulating and may become selfish and impulsive.
HOW MANY PARENTS ARE PERMISSIVE PARENTS?
The Pong et al. study reports that 18% of American parents identify as Permissive.
TYPE 4: UNINVOLVED
WHAT IS IT?
Uninvolved parents tend to be, well, uninvolved. They are not concerned with the daily details of a child’s life such as asking about homework, what’s going on at school or with friends. Many uninvolved parents provide for a child’s basic needs but are minimally involved in social and emotional development. They have limited communication, no formal structure for discipline and no real expectations. Some uninvolved parents are neglectful. Whether due to substance abuse, mental health problems or preoccupation with work or other responsibilities, most neglect is not intentional. Those parents may be struggling with their own problems and having a hard time balancing their needs with those of their children.
HOW DOES IT IMPACT CHILDREN?
Children who grow up in uninvolved homes tend to be resilient and self-sufficient since they learned these skills out of necessity. However, they don’t always have high self-esteem and often struggle academically. Personal relationships may be more difficult for them. They may experience difficulty managing emotions and poor coping skills.
HOW MANY PARENTS ARE UNINVOLVED PARENTS?
Only 10% of American parents are classified as the Uninvolved parenting style, according to the study by Pong, Johnson and Chen.
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NEW PARENTING STYLES (WITH FUN NAMES!)
Newer to the parenting scene, these additional styles have catchy names and descriptions. Like the four basic styles, you may find yourself exhibiting traits of multiple categories. No parenting style is perfect. We’re all just trying to do what we think is right and raise happy, healthy little people!
SNOWPLOW, LAWNMOWER, BULLDOZER
These terms are often used interchangeably with the same basic description. Snowplow parents seek to remove all obstacles from their children’s path to avoid hardship and disappointment. Snowplow parents are trying to protect children from difficult life experiences. This term was coined in the New York Times in an article referring to the 2019 “Operation Varsity Blues” college admissions scandal, where parents were going to great lengths to get their children admitted to colleges that they would not have otherwise been accepted to. Some snowplow parents even call their children’s employers and interfere in their work life when they are young adults.
LIGHTHOUSE
Lighthouse parenting is a term coined by adolescent medicine physician Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg and refers to a parenting style that focuses on unconditional love for your child as well as allowing them to experience some failures and disappointments along the way. The lighthouse symbol is a metaphor that shows that parents are a beacon of light, an example for their children to follow. Parents help their children avoid crashing into the rocks but teach them how to ride the choppy waves.
TIGER
Tiger parents set high expectations of success for their children. This strict parenting style values high achievement and teaches children about hard work and success from a young age. Originating from the book titled “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom” by Amy Chua, tiger parenting is an authoritative style that not only pushes success but also teaches children they are supported in their endeavors.
JELLYFISH
Jellyfish parenting is often described as a permissive style and is the opposite of authoritarian parents. They may have an inconsistent daily schedule and little or unclear expectations for their children. Jellyfish parents are likely to be warm and nurturing with their children and have open lines of communication but very little structure.
HUMMINGBIRD
Hummingbird parents like to hover nearby but allow their children the space to grow and explore on their own, swooping in only when danger arrives. They believe in the importance of unstructured outdoor play and as a child develops, slowly giving them more physical space to explore. Hummingbird parenting can best be explained in this quote by Learn and Play Children’s Center: “I’m a hummingbird parent. I hover nearby, but not over my kids. I remain distant enough to let them explore and learn to solve problems. I teach them skills, mainly by example. I zoom in only when their survival is threatened. My goal for them isn’t a risk-free childhood, but a resilient life.”
UNICORN
Unicorn parents admit that they are not perfect and don’t fall victim to parent shaming. They will be the first to admit that they didn’t follow their pediatrician’s advice to breastfeed or give up the pacifier. Unicorn moms are often described as “a mother who isn’t perfect, enjoys alcohol, has a sense of humor, and couldn’t care less what you think.” Unicorn parents love their children fiercely and are involved in their lives but don’t feel pressure to conform to certain parenting standards. They parent in whatever way feels right and natural to them and have a laugh while doing it!
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